An older lady - a friend of Dovid's grandmother - complimented Mordechai on how handsome he was. She went on to say how important sons were. After all, she said, they carry on the name.

My son thoughtfully mused, "What's more important, the name or the religion?"

Alef-Bet adventures

Ada completed (for the third time in her academic career) the study of the Alef-Bet letters. The milestone was celebrated in lots of ways.

One day, the class had a show-and-tell where each kid brought something that started with a letter of the Alef-Bet. They were supposed to write the word on an index card provided for the purpose. Ada, of course, wanted to bring something for EACH letter of the Alef-Bet. She prepared a list (I helped her with ideas for just a few of them.) and then went down the list getting all the items together and checking each item off as she found it. I was blown away. So was her Morah, as I found out the next time I spoke to her.

Another day, they baked Alef-Bet cookies for their celebration. Ada told me she made the letters of her name and it came out like "Vayikra." I had no idea what she was talking about until she explained that the last alef was small just like in the word vayikra in the Torah!

Ada is thrilled to have a real Alef-Bet book (the classic early primer) and confided to me that having real homework makes her feel very grown up. The first assignment was to read pages alef through yud (1 to 10) and I was supposed to sign the chart indicating that she did her homework. There was also a section for comments. Ada announced that she wanted to finish the whole book and that, when she finished, I should write a note to Morah in the "Compliments." Over-achiever, perhaps? When she got up to page 15, she noted that the page number said tet-vav (which is the numerical equivalent of 15). She said, "That says tet-vav, like tu in Tu B'Shvat so it means 15!" Her analysis of the things she learns and her ability to apply them in other situations blows me away! Talk about higher level critical thinking!

Etymology explored

This past Monday, on Presidents' Day, I chaperoned Sari's class on a field trip to Boomers for miniature golf. Ada came with me because she had no school. For some reason, Sari convinced her to wear a school uniform for the occasion, which pleased Ada very much! Of course, she looked totally adorable. :)

The next day, we were chatting and she asked me:

Why is it called a "uniform?"

So I answered that it's because everyone is wearing the same thing.

Ada: Well, I thought that "uni" means one so...?

Me (beaming): That's right! How did you know that?

Ada: You know, like unicycle...

Me: Very good! Well, with a uniform, everyone is wearing the same thing so it's all one look.

Ada: Oh, I thought it was because everyone has to fill out one form to get it!

Tough love

Benjamin Franklin on "spreading the wealth" around... I am for doing good to the poor, but I differ in opinion of the means. I think the best way of doing good to the poor, is not making them easy in poverty, but leading or driving them out of it. In my youth I travelled much, and I observed in different countries, that the more public provisions were made for the poor, the less they provided f...

Benjamin Franklin on "spreading the wealth" around...

I am for doing good to the poor, but I differ in opinion of the means. I think the best way of doing good to the poor, is not making them easy in poverty, but leading or driving them out of it. In my youth I travelled much, and I observed in different countries, that the more public provisions were made for the poor, the less they provided for themselves, and of course became poorer. And, on the contrary, the less was done for them, the more they did for themselves, and became richer.

After hundreds of years of failed redistribution, the nuts on the left still don't understand these simple concepts.

(hat tip: Right Klik)

BIG news

Mordechai and I were the only ones home as Shabbat was winding down yesterday. We got into conversation about the Twin Towers and terrorism and Israel and Arabs and then - oil spills. (As in, what's worse? 9/11 or the oil spill? He's always asking comparison questions like that....)

He said to me, "You know how I know the oil spill is really BIG? They were even talking about it on espn!"

Invisible

Lessons for Life from the Science Fair

(Forgive the length of the post, Uncle Meyer. I hope it won't deter you from reading it through....)

I finally have Mordechai's science fair project behind me. Despite the fact that we kept it clean and simple, it was still a huge pain. Mordechai was harassing me all last week to get the final details together (order the prints, get the tri-fold board, etc.). Of course, I really should be pleased that he has his project prepared well in advance of the due date as opposed to his usual method of night-before-it's-due-panic mode. It's so much easier to be annoyed and critical when they do it the wrong way than to remember to be pleased and complimentary when they do it right, just like you told them to....

As a whole, it was a fairly valuable learning experience as he worked through the process of gathering materials, clarifying the procedure, recording his results, and coming to a (somewhat valid and relevant) conclusion. He dropped a basketball from 3 different heights and recorded how far up they bounced back. He discovered that it never came back up to it's drop level. The lower the drop height, the greater the percentage of the height was achieved on the bounce back. So, dropped from 2 feet, the ball bounced back up to 87.5% of the two feet i.e. to 1 foot, 9 inches. From 6 feet, the ball bounced back up to only 66.7% of its original height i.e. to 4 feet.

As we working out the ratios together, Mordechai got excited with an idea he had: You can think of it like two people. Reuven has a "two-foot" potential. From your view-point, you see him reaching 1'9" which is not so impressive. Shimon has a "six-foot" potential. You see him reaching 4 feet. Looks like he's reaching greater heights - and he is. But in reality, Reuven perhaps deserves more credit because he's maximizing more of his potential whereas Shimon is not really putting in much effort and he could be expected to reach an even higher level. People can only see what you accomplish and what "level" you reach. Hashem knows how hard you really are working. It's not so much what you accomplish that's important but how much effort you put into your growth as a person.

Mussar haskel from my 10-year-old man. Yiddishe nachas.

Shopping Madness

A woman I was speaking to (I think she would describe herself as Conservative.) was telling me about some challenges she faces. She is genuinely concerned about giving her children a strong sense of their Jewishness. She mentioned that she gets very stressed out about it during December when all the holiday lights go up and some of her kids' friends have trees in their homes. This is not the first time I've heard Jewish moms express difficulty in this area. Another dad I met was at a loss, having moved recently from Israel, where he had never faced the situation before. He was hoping he could hide the whole issue from his kids, although how he planned to shelter them like that was unclear to me (or him, I imagine)!

I personally am glad to explain to my children about differences between us and Gentiles and I find that this season presents a good opportunity for that. Naturally, kids do get excited with all the lights and decorations and conspicuous fanfare surrounding Chrixtmas. That's perfectly okay. I tell them that the Gentiles celebrate the birth of their leader, JC, on Chrixtmas. He was a person who they think is a god. We know that G-d is not a person at all and it is avodah zara to believe so! One of the reasons that stores get into the "holiday spirit" with such vigor is to encourage people to buy lots of presents and spend more money. Also, even Gentiles who are not really religious celebrate the holiday. So that's alot of people celebrating so we see lots of Chrixtmas stuff around. Since we don't believe that JC is or was a god and that we don't want to do anything like avodah zara, we don't use Chrixtmas decorations or stuff like that.

Minorly related story: The other day, we were circling in the Publix supermarket parking lot for too long looking for a spot. Since I was with Ada getting ice cream, coming back later was not an option. When we had finally found a spot and we were walking through the lot towards the store, Ada wondered aloud, "Why is it so busy today? It's not even Friday!" And then, nodding her head wisely, "Ohhhh! I know why. They must be buying food for Chrixtmas!"

Who won?

I'm currently reading "Treblinka: The inspiring story of the 600 Jews who revolted against their murderers and burned a Nazi death camp to the ground" by Jean-Francois Steiner. Sari read the cover with the title and subtitle and asked, "Is this a Jewish book?" I answered that it was about Jews. Then she asked, "Did the Jews win?" It took me a moment to answer.

Reading about the horrors that our brothers and sisters were subjected to is a difficult thing. It terrifies me but yet I continue to devour every word, page after page, the way I cover my face at the scary parts of the movie but all the while peek through my fingers because I just have to see it - I have to know what happens. It's terrifying to read how degraded and broken the human spirit can become. It's so hard to understand how people can allow themselves to be so deceived, allow themselves to deny the truth that is before them in an attempt to... minimize the pain? Hold on to hope? Save face? I'm not quite sure. It's all so overwhelming.

So, did the Jews win? Well, we're still here after all. There's some victory in that, isn't there?

I am thankful...

Mordechai: ...that we have a house ...that we are healthy and safe

Sari: ...for my siddur that my Savta gave me ...for kosher food ...for my family ...for Hashem

Ada: ...for my family and my neshama

No one likes the pushy salesman.

Makes sense. Just be yourself - a good Jew. Torah sells itself.

Brilliant.

You don’t really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back.

--William D. Tammeus

Sibling dynamics

It's so not fair for Sari. She's at an age when hearing "I won't be your friend if you won't let me have your (insert toy/candy/article of interest)" from Mordechai leaves her with no be'chira (choice). Meanwhile, she could say the same thing and Mordechai responds with a shrug and a smirk. It irks me so. And I hate when Mordechai devises a "trade" agreement to swindle her out of her property. I've instituted a no-trades-allowed-without-maternal-approval rule which also includes an all-trades-can-be-reversed-if-regretted clause. Is that silly of me? I'm just trying to level the playing field.

Speaking of little parenting questions, let me run this one by you. Say, for example, Mordechai wants to lie down in Daddy's bed. If he gets permission, then everyone wants to lie in Daddy's bed. (Yes, this does get ridiculously out of hand too many a time. I told Dovid this was going to happen years ago.) So sometimes he asks if he can go to Dad's bed after the girls fall asleep. Since this is really not a problem for Dad, it seems like the perfect solution. Obviously, though, there is that element of deceit. So, good or no good? Or how 'bout the simple, "You can have another cookie but don't let Ada see it."? (Ack! What is up with that punctuation? I'll research it some other time when I get a round tuit.)

“God’s omniscient justice is, to our limited understanding, almost indistinguishable from randomness.”

I just found this quote at a blog I discovered tonight. Really hits the nail on the head, doesn't it? The blog is a collection of divrei Torah. The blogger tells his readers: The Internet is treif, but you might as well see a good Dvar Torah while you're here. Heh.

I actually found that one through another blog upon which I stumbled tonight.

Speaking of blogs that have newly come to my attention, this one has become a regular read for me. I think the blogosphere is at its best when it's used as a medium for giving support and advice. I think it's wonderful when you're given the opportunity to have meaningful conversations that can't or won't take place in your real life for whatever reason.

Hot Chanies revisited

For those of you who are not regular blog-junkies and have not yet heard the term Hot Chanie^TM, here's where it originated. Hot Chanies are back in the bloglight since the printing of an article in the Jerusalem Post. There are plenty of opinions to keep you busy for a bit. The following is my comment, originally from the thread at Ask Shifra, where I first happened upon the whole affair.

I'm of the opinion that it certainly is the job of a husband to point out how lack of tznius affects men and the implications of that for both unmarried and married men. It is a discussion that should be held in private. Of course, that means that the hubbie has to be on board. Two things the husbands should beware of:
1. Dictating what wife can/can't wear. "Don't wear this and only wear that" is doomed to failure. The emphasis should strictly be focused on how certain things can create problematic situations. "I wonder if women are aware of how men are affected when they wear....". Note how "you" does not even play a role in the conversation.
2. Complimenting one's wife's appearance most when she is dressed inappropriately is reinforcement in the wrong direction. We call that talking out of both sides of your mouth. The point is to make your wife feel that she looks beautiful especially when she is dressed tastefully and appropriately. Dressing appropriately does not preclude looking good. (Rebbetzin Tehila Jager is such a wonderful example of this. She spoke beautifully once on the topic of tznius for our yeshiva's sisterhood. I wish I remembered some of the points that made such an impact on me then :(.)

I think it's unfortunate that such an important topic is being addressed in that "fundamentalist" way that seems to characterize the approach of some people in leadership positions today. That approach is guaranteed to alienate the people who most need guidance to foster an inner sense of self-worth and modesty so that they begin to appreciate themselves what tznius is all about.

Our family's yeshiva, Chofetz Chaim, has a very nice program in place that provides the forum needed to address issues, including "delicate" ones. Every so often, one of the rosh yeshivas will call a married guy va'ad. Basically, it's a discussion group where a specific topic is addressed. Guys are encouraged to submit topics which they would like to discuss. It's a great way to provide suggestions in a gentle, non-threatening environment. The va'ads are also an opportunity for guys to ask questions and get practical ideas for applications of principles set forth. Each guy can share the ideas from the va'ad over dinner with his wife. The key ingredient which I believe makes this sort of forum successful is the smallness of the unit. That is, rather than having an entire community gather in a huge auditorium to listen to speeches, this set-up provides the opportunity for a real give and take, making it all more personal and, therefore, more effective. These kind of discussion groups can be held periodically by shuls or other smaller community groups.

Just a thought.

Love You Forever

She wheeled her mom into the doctor's waiting room. Her mom was so skinny, so frail. She appeared to be sleeping but responded to her daughter. She asked her daughter if they were outside. No, ma, we're at the doctor. The daughter spoke to her gently, chatting about the weather and asking how she was feeling. It struck me, as I sat looking on, that she addressed her interchangeably as mother and baby. The scene was frighteningly pathetic. It made me shudder inside.

Robert Munsch and Sheila McGraw wrote a children's book called "Love You Forever". It was recommended to me once by a friend and I bought it without reading it through - something I hardly ever do. I read it once with Mordechai (he was just two or three years old) and then I hid it away on a high shelf. It starts off with mom taking care of baby, soothing him in a rocking chair chanting that she'll love him forever. It ends with him rocking her in that same chair, chanting the same words. A frightening thought for an adult, let alone for a child, I thought.

The daughter moved her mother's wheelchair a bit closer and leaned in close to her. Ma, do you know what today is? Ma, today is Mother's Day. She gave her mother a gentle hug and whispered softly, Happy Mother's Day, Ma.